Bunnies and fizzy juice - pipTalk Forums

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freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

0 posted 2009-03-11 05:43 PM

I wrote this because I'm trying to stab my writer's block in the hand, I don't want to kill it because I know it will come back either way and I don't like zombies so much, they scare me. Anyways I know that the meter is off a lil here and there, but I don't think it affects the poem, so much. I hope you guys understand it, but if you don't well what can I expect. Sorry if it looks a lil long. And yeah not my best, it's more like practice.

The jungle screams,
And strands of snakes
Are thrown to hiss,

As wild bugs jump,
To see gorillas
Who hug and push.

Then stuffed bunnies,
Now leap inside
My entry way.

To disappear,
Among saliva
And fizzy juice.

The whispers calm,
As shouts of rage
Now fill our thoughts.

A broken friend
Now feels defeat,
An attached prick.

The triumph slips
Away to foes,
As silence climbs,

Ascending trees,
To thrash all noise
And fill our eyes.

But animals,
Are now let loose
Among themselves.

The conquered peace
Has left, again,
To leave a storm,

An angry thrust,
That no bunny
Though stuffed and sweet,

Could change its loss.
No fizzy juice
Can quench disgust,

Or mask events,
Hyenas made.
To cheat, to hurt.

But silence comes,
To climb, again.
Now opening truth.

We then become,
Like doves, to see
That we’re not frauds.

Now we, have won.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

[This message has been edited by freeand2sexy (03-12-2009 05:05 PM).]

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

1 posted 2009-03-12 05:30 PM

I missed this, sorry Christine.

It's not so much a finished poem imo as a first draft or series of little notes for a poem. As such you have some pretty intruiging combinations of ideas and words. Keep your mind thinking along these weird and wonderful lines (and away from the stars and roses and hearts and pain and tears!) Christine and soon you'll be bringing it all together with what you learned about meter and sound, and producing something absolutely terrific.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2009-03-12 06:08 PM

Yeah I totally agree with you, it was just something I had fun with, I'm not sure why.

One question though, was it understandable at all, or did it make you go "Huh?" at any point.

No, I'm not conceited, 2sexy doesn't mean "too sexy", it means something else!

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

3 posted 2009-03-12 06:44 PM

It made me go "Huh" at every point, lol. But it was a good "huh"

Not every poem has to mean something you know; not every poem has to mean what you intended it to mean. You send your poems out into the world, and you let them go. They aren't entirely yours anymore, your readers invest something of themselves in the poem, and it becomes what each individual reader wants it to become.

I am not sure I want to understand what you understand this poem to mean

.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

4 posted 2009-03-12 06:57 PM

Well I'm glad it was a good "Huh"

I wrote this while I was on a sugar rush, so afterwards it made me go "huh" too, till I remembered what it meant.

No, I'm not conceited, 2sexy doesn't mean "too sexy", it means something else!

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