Tear-stained, Bloody Valentine

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Dark Poetry #5

Tear-stained, Bloody Valentine

UNTAMEDelegance
Member

since 2009-05-30

Posts 222
Oregon

0 posted 2010-02-14 11:56 PM

Here, my love, a valentine.
I'll paint it black and red.
The color of my heartbeat
when you tore it into shreds.

Then threw the pieces on the floor
and left me there to die.
Fragile, broken, pitiful,
A teardrop in my eye.

A bloody, sad reminder
falling down my face.
A single bloody teardrop
seals my fall from grace.

Softly, gently, tenderly,
my heart-shreds find my view.
Harshly, cruelly, painfully,
I know that it was you.

You took me, loved me, comforted,
and kissed the shattered frame.
That ship has sailed; never again,
I can't relive the pain.

You took me, loved me, then you left,
leaving nothing here.
For you, my dear, were everything
except this bloody tear.

The only thing that I have left,
when you left me behind.
The only thing to shelter me
as you invade my mind.

So here, my love, a valentine.
Make sure you keep it good.
It's made with all that I have left;
this single tear of blood.

[This message has been edited by UNTAMEDelegance (02-16-2010 11:05 AM).]

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2010-02-15 11:10 AM

I like it. It was good. But a bit lengthy of a read.

"Then threw the pieces on the floor
and left me there to die.
Fragile, broken, pitiful,
A teardrop in my eye."
- This is probably my favorite stanza.

"That ship has flown; never again,"
-This bothered me reading. Since ship's don't fly. Lol But I understood your meaning. Maybe work on metaphors?

Over-all I thought it was pretty good.

UNTAMEDelegance
Member

since 2009-05-30

Posts 222
Oregon

2 posted 2010-02-16 11:07 AM

Thanks! I knew it sounded wrong, but I couldn't think of the right metaphor, so I just went with the thing that came to mind. Your comment made me think about it and I was able to recall which one was right!!! Yay! ~UNTAMEDelegance

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