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Open Poetry #43
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Laundromat Cowgirl.
| Open Poetry #43 |
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Laundromat Cowgirl. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. 
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I met you at the country concert just outside my home town your cowgirl hat didn't seem like it'd been worn more than once or twice seems like you enjoy "chick" country a whole lot more than I do But I reckon that's alright because you're a girl and I'm a man I wear flannel that's worked awfully hard you wear brown shirts with pink flowers that look like they need to be washed on special settings. ___________________________________ The Technically College Life Series. (Unhappy with this. Couldn't get it to flow the way I wanted it to. Any help appreciated.) Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Paul Weisbrod - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Paul, What is "chick country". Bobby |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
female country singers tend to sing chick country. Look up "redneck woman" by gretchen wilson. THAT is chick country. Bleh. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I liked what I read but felt like you just dumped me off in the middle of the poem. Is it finished? A |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
No that's why i slapped 'er up on the forums here. That sort of input is what i was lookin' for. I'll try and fix it up and repost it after I get some more feedback. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
love your title and the differences you de-lineate...leaves the reader yearning for more |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Fanksh. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
VIVA la difference, strange bedfellows and all that Interesting splice of romance |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice...James |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Fanks guysh. I'm still working on making it not suck too much.  Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
nice -Juju |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Work in progress. Not pleased with it yet. Thank you anyway, beautiful miss juju. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"your cowgirl hat didn't seem like it'd been worn more than once or twice" ~ Reminds me of those who wear fake tattoos!  EA |
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TRACE2RYM Junior Member
since 2008-10-09
Posts 38 |
We used to call them "Drugstore Cowboys" and "Concrete Cowgirls" Hard and artificial. |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
How about giving the cowgirl a voice too? I can hear her describe what you're wearing, two voices talking aside (as in theater, assuming the other party does not hear); that would give you room for a revealing and entertaining "battle of wits." Looking forward to see where your poem will go. Mark |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Earth angel- Fanksh. Trace- Agreed. Marc- Good idea! Thanks so much! I will be editing and toying around now. There will be repost, I say! -Paul Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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