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Open Poetry #43
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Smoke
| Open Poetry #43 |
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Smoke |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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Smoke Walking with a still breeze she almost floats, like skating, the only things that really move her arm and a cigarette that wobbles and glows with every step. Somehow it has half an inch of ash; she seems not to notice. The air gathers each breath of smoke as she lets it out, into one slowly growing puff that hovers like a spirit, a step or so behind. Then she turns, and it moves on without her. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Interesting imagery. Good to read you again, Ed. |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
. Ed, You at your best With your permission would like to add this to my Word File of Poems by Others. Really Ed, very very good John . |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
An instant of life, captured beautifully. I agree with John. This is very good, Ed. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
you paint a captivating image of a scene I'm sure many of us have seen before...loved this line: "Somehow it has half an inch of ash; she seems not to notice." |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Friends, sometimes you get lucky enough to see a poem happen, so that all you have to do is write it down. In this case it was "Well, look at that," leading directly to "Oh man, LOOK at THAT!"....followed instantly by "Paper-oh-jeez-where's-some-paper-I've-gotta-get-this-written-down!" Yo John -- considering the contents of that file you keep, I would be proud to have you add this one to it! ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
And sometimes, we get lucky enough to open PIP and find your work waiting. *S* You write such vivid images I can smell the acrid burn of tobacco... your words involve multiple senses. *S* Excellent! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed...Hi!  A snapshot done to perfection by your word camera. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: And with this you captured my full attention. Intensely vivid. Love, Margherita |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I couldn't single out one particular line because it all spoke to me~~ M |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Wow, its such an intensely powerful piece of writing! The imagery and wording is all amazing. It tells a story because now I want to know more about this woman and whats going on in her life. The last line was amazing! Amazing write! So simple yet such strong meaning behind it! Rhia |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Like the way you are creating ambiguous images. Can be the reader's own translation....Good work! Eric IF YOU HAVE TO JUDGE SOMEONE DO IT ON THE SIDE OF MERCY AND LET TIME SEASON THE RESULTS. |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
I think she would be honored to be the recipient of your musing moment. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
good read |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
OhRatMan~ Sometimes I find a moment to pop in and read a bit, not finding the presence of time to leave a reply ... however, this piece draws the ink out of my reply quill~ I can see her, watch the smoke as it twirls and swirls... The air gathers each breath of smoke as she lets it out, into one slowly growing puff that hovers like a spirit, a step or so behind. Then she turns, and it moves on without her. I am drawn to your pour of imagery ink~  *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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