Blacking out. - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #43

Blacking out.

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

0 posted 2008-11-05 02:43 PM

Dear darkness,
what happened,
while I was gone?

You embraced me tightly
as I held too much weight
upon my shoulders

and I held you as well
without even knowing it.

My body lived ten seconds
of life on earth
and I didn't know

that I'd left all.

Dear darkness,
what happened
to my soul

while I was gone?

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

[This message has been edited by viking_metal (11-05-2008 11:12 PM).]

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-11-05 08:43 PM

Yo Paul,

This is good writing.

I'd change "my" to "My".

Picky Bobby

Pantheress
Member

since 2008-11-02

Posts 215
Queensland, Australia

2 posted 2008-11-05 09:09 PM

I really liked your poem,smiles..

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

3 posted 2008-11-05 11:12 PM

Sorry I mistyped er. Fanks Robbob.

Thanks P.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

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