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Open Poetry #42
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Adonis Cross
Junior Member
since 2003-04-07
Posts 46
Miami, FL, USA

0 posted 2008-04-13 03:53 PM


I said you were a most unwelcome guest
the day you introduced yourself as pain,
and yet you come to visit me again,
a falcon shrewdly swooping on a nest
before there lives a moment to protest
or fly away, no time to try in vain,
delaying what will come; I must remain
immobile as you tear into my chest.

It's after your attack, when I am spent,
I notice you commit your worst offense,
for when I take my pen, to document
what happened here, to make a little sense
of it, I ask you, "what was your intent?"
and hear the silence of indifference.

© Copyright 2008 Adonis Cross - All Rights Reserved
shyvl
Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531
texas, usa
1 posted 2008-04-13 05:22 PM


I enjoyed the poem and the personality to pain.  You changed your ryhmn scheme in the second stanza--still a very good read.  Thanks
sharyn

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
2 posted 2008-04-13 09:22 PM


Fine wriitng..James
Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
3 posted 2008-04-14 12:42 PM


You describe pain very well. Pain does make itself known in a very real but impersonal way.
                                   Ida

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
4 posted 2008-04-14 01:18 PM


Adonis~
I can soooo feel this~
Brava !

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -             noles1@totcon.com

Seoulair
Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea
5 posted 2008-04-14 01:29 PM


Very good. Clever one. Love the read.
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