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Open Poetry #41
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maneater
| Open Poetry #41 |
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maneater |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296
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She is rain bouncing off a tin roof swallowing peace and quiet assaulting the senses until doubtful redemption becomes a religious fanatic that any weekend would ignore leaning back in the dentist chair i take it without anesthesia the bloody time she evokes while smiling pleasantly until you think the snow will have gone by tomorrow she counts innumerable similar meanings stealing china, silverware, you name it even oil companies cower... the emphasis on very high maintenance she recites darkness like a passionate child every line calculated manipulative she cannot give what she's never known you wonder where it's all going to end charging him a small fortune oh how I wish it were material debt this demon would drain the life from Jesus you can't build a future with chaos fascinated by her sill-twitching corpse I watch him turn white betting every nickel he's earned slowly sublimitally she puts their house on the market cursing and gambling family until we're all devoid of life and hope she regrets nothing a class act disguising bitterness with promises she'll never keep or know you can taste the garlic she breathes down each serene perspective it's her way... he buries feelings in the yard like an unloved dog who thinks himself happy he has compromised his quaint ways no longer finding humor he straightens his tie before opening the door to remind her of his sacred oath dying a little more inside everyday his much abused credit card proving resilient...in a pathetic way he is drunk, tomorrow, he may be sober although the cost of humiliation manifested by her raised brow and sideways glances may knock him to the other side of the road, where darkness comes and goes gasping for air… she stands over him, screaming a high pitched ear breaking noise tapping her foot looking at his watch... holding his much needed oxygen while tightening the noose until he suffocates, between her breasts she is a man eater who cares more about results then feelings this is his job for life… he's embarrassed while tragically being eaten alive [This message has been edited by LeeJ (08-19-2007 02:53 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Lee J. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I will have to read this more than once to digest this...I see a little of me in there and a little of someone close to me although the opposite sex...geezzz, Lee, you sure pack 'em in   M |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
~ 'Tis a sad story which is far too often true. ~ as well as the converse!  Your passion and ire are palpable in this rousing write!Your talent is astounding ~ as well as your creatively, sharp mind. Love to you, Lady Lee! Linda |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
. http://www.kalliope.org/digt.pl?longdid=lawrence2001061760 . |
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bel1e Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631 |
omg~~~ the vehemence in this....assaults the reader....WOW... ~~~in awe |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
you wrote a true story. Wonder if you know the participants? best to you, "late" |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
digging this much a shot of sobriety with a twist of sour lemon as we read this slice of life all to familiar to many |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
Much to think about in this ‘write’…lots of ‘food for private interpretation’ and ‘ everyperson’ relationship dejavu’; etc… [I could likely spend much of the rest of my life extracting additional and/or alternate meaning from several of the (always most interesting) works of this fine word-painter!] I LOVE the opening image: “She is rain bouncing off a tin roof swallowing peace and quiet” AND, I am especially fond of: “you can't build a future with chaos(!)” [but, I am not sure about the ‘and’ in the final line?!] Applause!! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
awesome stuff... I loved the understanding point of views. Always a trip dancing through the yard of your mind. maneater... smile tastes like chicken? *wince* laughing here  sorry but truly, I loved the alternating p.o.v.'s. |
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
Dear LeeJ - I do understand what has motivated this sad write but it is nevertheless a most excellent and expressive write. Yep - you're still an amazing poetess! Thank goodness some things don't change. |
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HopeS Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596Perth Western Australia |
She seems cold, calculating and heartless , but so many fall into her trap Hope |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Lee J, This was almost excruciating to read. I could feel the heat from your words, I could taste the salt from your tears, and yet I could also feel the compassion reaching out almost in desperation: one last time, to stop the whole event of a seemingly lost hope for change.  JL  |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
45 caliber...wow, what a punch. One of your finest moments Leej. |
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