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Open Poetry #41
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Bronzeage
Member
since 2007-07-20
Posts 197


0 posted 2007-08-15 03:20 AM


Black coffee in a handled bowl,
morning paper still warm from the press,
under the umbrella by the door,
waiting for my morning flower show.
Seven fifteen and Venus is stepping off her shell,
shaking off the sea foam and searching for her keys
to unlock the flower shop
and put every petal and blossom to shame.
Goddess of flowers,
they bend and twine to her will
and smell sweeter for her touch.
In her shop,
"May I help you," she says,
and I am helpless.
It is impossible.
to take a flower
from her hand and give it
to another woman.

Type II poet. Its worth the work.

© Copyright 2007 Bron Zeage - All Rights Reserved
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

1 posted 2007-08-15 06:56 AM


I am impressed by this, so much so, I'm sitting here with a giant grin across my face...well done
Welcome to the PIP Blue Pages....



Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

2 posted 2007-08-15 07:29 AM


I very much enjoyed this lovely piece of writing.  Nicely done, sir.
Edward Grim
Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina
3 posted 2007-08-15 11:35 AM


I noticed that there is some sort of rhyme in it but it is not apparent. I don't know, it might just be how I'm reading it. But I really like that unobvious rhyme.

Not only that, but I thought the piece was genius. You're a great storyteller; and that's hard to find in poetry today. Well done sir.

"Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done."

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
4 posted 2007-08-15 04:54 PM


Nice...better buy some flowers from her or she will go out of business...James
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2007-08-15 05:29 PM


That would be assonance, Ed Grim.

Bronzeage? I really like this, and I'd like to learn how to do it, too.

It's lovely and not overwhelming at all.

Much appreciated the share.

bel1e
Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631

6 posted 2007-08-15 06:57 PM


oh oh oh~~~romance is NOT dead...this is brilliant, Bronze~~

  

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
7 posted 2007-08-16 12:12 PM


... and I smile.

So enjoyed!

Alison

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
8 posted 2007-08-16 01:18 AM


Charming and ever so romantic!!!! Your comely ink matches your comely face!

Written with an elegant touch of class.


EA


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
9 posted 2007-08-18 03:27 PM


Back to the top...James
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
10 posted 2007-08-22 12:52 PM


Applauding... this is fantastic!!! *S*
ChristianSpeaks
Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396
Iowa, USA
11 posted 2007-08-23 11:20 AM


You referenced this in an email and I'm sorry I haven't read it until now. This really kicks. Very well constructed AND no unneccesary clutter. Very well done my friend.

Dane

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
12 posted 2007-08-23 12:22 PM


oh...I want to be her.

will you post more?  I am in love with your words.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

MoonShadow
Senior Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 943
Dark side of the Moon.
13 posted 2007-08-23 12:29 PM



  Beautiful romance.

       MoonShadow
.

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