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Open Poetry #41

oh dear, to dream

o.le.crépuscule
Junior Member

since 2007-07-29

Posts 17
partout.

0 posted 2007-08-02 07:59 AM

"ô, le soleil!"
my heart slammed,
and as it watched
how my footsteps fell
into place,
around the new
dark soil placed back
where it belonged,
back into it's patria
just yesterday,

it made it known
that i was no longer
young.

and so i stepped
on my own bones
and they crunched
beneath the feet
that i once controlled,
and i began to forget that
i ever had bones
or feet
and i forgot my name
and what love was-

i forgot
what
passion
was

and after that
i was in the soil
and i wish i could have
warned the person
who walked over me
with such a happy heart.

ôte maintenant | tes souliers
et chausse à ton pied | quelque pelotes de nués
car ici désormais | est la demeure d'un ciel

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

1 posted 2007-08-02 08:17 AM

Feeling this one deeply. The last line wraps this up perfectly.

o.le.crépuscule
Junior Member

since 2007-07-29

Posts 17
partout.

2 posted 2007-08-02 10:17 AM

much appreciated- wasn't sure about this one.

kate

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2007-08-02 06:23 PM

I like this one, kate~~it's just that it makes me sad and miss someone very much~~

I wasn't sure how to respond.

M

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2007-08-02 08:51 PM

Kate, first...

good to see you able to post again...

second...

~*~

and i began to forget that
i ever had bones
or feet
and i forgot my name
and what love was-

i forgot
what
passion
was

and after that
i was in the soil

~*~

I Wish I Had Written That...

o.le.crépuscule
Junior Member

since 2007-07-29

Posts 17
partout.

5 posted 2007-08-03 12:55 PM

sunshine-

it must have just been my other computer. thanks for your suggestions, though!

and as long as i'm here, thanks for the feedback, everyone.

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