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Teen Poetry #8
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whitelielovely
Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146
Australia

0 posted 2007-01-30 04:32 PM



Deeply I’m thinking I’m trying, I’m unsure what I’m really doing
Vague impressions are haunting me of a half-remembered thought
It tugs at the core of my being, rises the tears that threaten to fall
The cold shutters over my arms and entwines it’s self into my heart

My hand is raised to my ashen cheek- gone icy as my heart trembles
The room turns black and white like an old reeling silent movie
A soundless deafening scream gathers in the back of my chilled throat
All thoughts are gone, actions, primitive and ancient, take over the scene

My shoulders tighten, my back straitens, and my stance is readied for flight
I feel nothing- all at once color is back in the vision of my wildly blinking eyes
But there is still the wickedest of feelings in my heart, one I never placed there
It’s called FEAR, something I fear it’s self after being inflicted with it

I realize I’m still the littlest of children, caught in something I can’t comprehend
The tears spill over, crowding my vision with watery shapes of time and space
My heart breaks and I die a little more knowing I can’t do anything for myself
And a kind hand lifts my chin- the being that the hand belongs to voices kindness

I realize for an astonishing moment I’m not alone, never was, and never will be
There’s a man clad in red and white, and he looks down from above watching me
And I know I can live through this earthly hell with his help from on high
A Man from on high reached my soul and filled it with blessings and hope that will last forever

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday."

Noelle - age 7

© Copyright 2007 Whittney Larraine Lovely - All Rights Reserved
lemonraindrops
Junior Member
since 2007-01-28
Posts 19

1 posted 2007-01-30 10:07 PM


Unbelieveable <3 Ending is wonderful.
Much Love
Elyse

"I've got a jar of dirrr-rrt! I've got a jar of dirrr-rrt! And do you know what's IN my jar of dirt?"<br>
-Captain Jack Sparrow(Johnny Depp)<

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
2 posted 2007-01-31 02:19 PM


I don't know what else but it just seemed awkward like some of it didn't fit. Thats how it read. Try eliminating some of the unnessacary words
whitelielovely
Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146
Australia
3 posted 2007-01-31 08:57 PM


thanks lee-mon, as we would say in my retarted spanish class. lol. i'm glad you liked it.

ps. love the by line. see ya mate.

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