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Teen Poetry #8
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Could This Be True LOVE
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Could This Be True LOVE |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia 
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Ok guys... the poem i really wanted too show you all i can't because it is breaching forum rules... anyway... Tell me what you reckon bout this one.. not my best, even i know that... also tell me what u reckon i should do next... Dont worry bout confusing me.. ALREADY CONFUSED... lol  “Excuse me” you ask as I walk on by “I’m just wondering exactly why” “Exactly what are you wondering, my dear madam” “It’s ok she whispered, to date another man” I look at her puzzled, “how do you know about me” “My life history, my story… Did you hear my plea?” She took my hand and gave it a kiss It’s ok darling I know what you miss “Look at you dear, you’re such a remarkable woman” “But your stuck into a world no smaller than a can” ”You’ve had it hard and I know that” “But you can’t keep hiding behind that hat” “Those Aussie boys, they stop and drool hoping your self confidence gets bigger” “You have a beautiful daughter and an amazing figure” “I’m so glad that this is who you have become” “But an old woman can’t wait to become a grand mum” I looked into her eyes as the tears streamed from my face, All I need was a shove in the right place I went to turn and ask her a question, but she was gone, like she was non existent But as I looked forward a smile shined at me from the distance “Jess is that you?” he screamed from across the mall Those gorgeous eyes I could never forget as he approached me I stood tall He hadn’t changed one little bit; He was Paul’s best mate and we grew up together He told me if I needed him when I had Ella, he would stay with me forever He moved to America when his mum died before Ella was born He hadn’t seen me in a long time but he could still see that I was torn He placed his hand on my face; the whole world had changed with just one touch “Look at you he said, you’ve changed so much” He came home with me he met Ella and we talked for hours About Paul, My boyfriend who died and about America’s most famous towers If this was sign from the heavens above Could This Really Be True Love???? |
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whitelielovely Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146Australia |
hey shela, america huh? those silly americans. they build to tower strangly. i'm sry. to the americans i insulted and your boyfriend. i went to america once. it's ever different. the people have a very different accent. but like i should talk. my father's aussie, and my mother's pure british english hahaha "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Hey, america kik ass..!!!!! we r the superpower of the world.. tho i disagree with politics we rock.. in terms of sports we are ahead for a bunch of them and econimically too |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
U guys make me smile so much.. WhiteLieLovley, he aint my boyfriend... LOL... But we are very close... I mighten be on here for a while.. i'm pushing the belt as far as i can i think.. Anyway if u guys have msn... email me and i'll send u my addy.. Nice to make some new friends... |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
The conversations in this piece are a bit confusing when you read them. Afterwards when you read the part about the towers and the best friend it makes more sense, but you still have to go back to the start and reread it to make it understandable... It's a nice idea but needs a little bit of reconfiguring. Something to make the conversations within the poem less confusing. Jumps around from person to person a lot and it's hard to keep up on whose talking. Still liked the poem and ... Well, yes, we're crazy Americans but ... eh, never mind. lol. Thanks for sharing this piece  "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
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