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The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

0 posted 2006-10-09 04:07 PM

"Life on Standby"

Time stands still
as you see his betrayal
like everything is in slowmo
and all you can do is watch
tunnel vision taking over
as tears well up in your eyes
a weak tremble developing
until you're on your knees

Just like your world is ending
crashing all around you
so much you don't even care
that the final bell had rung
ending the stand still
on this present day
not hearing the echoing
footsteps and voices

All you feel inside
is that gutwrenching ache
that the music has stopped
no beat in your heart
and no breath in your lungs
like death stole your soul
and sucked it's spirit dry
until you feel nothing

A numbness chills
your bones
as they walk on by
deception best
served cold
because you thought
he was it

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

1 posted 2006-10-09 04:49 PM

Ok I'm a simple-minded person, so reading something that isn't rhyming and doesn't always make complete sense on the first read, I'm not always crazy about them. However, I realllllly liked this poem. I thought you did an amazing job describing a hard feeling to put your finger on. This was my favorite part:

like death stole your soul
and sucked it's spirit dry
until you feel nothing

A numbness chills
your bones
as they walk on by
deception best
served cold
because you thought
he was it

Keep it up!

AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

2 posted 2006-10-09 04:54 PM

Thanks for taking the time to read it, even though it's not really a set format-rhyme scheme, etc.
I'm the complete opposite, writing wise, when it comes to poetry. Me an rhyming-well let's just say we are not bed fellows. When I try to write that way, in a way, it hinders my thought process, that's just me.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-10-09 06:04 PM

"All you feel inside
is that gutwrenching ache
that the music has stopped
no beat in your heart
and no breath in your lungs
like death stole your soul
and sucked it's spirit dry
until you feel nothing"

Wow... This poem is just... wow! I loved this one, I think it is one of my favorites by you. I liked the imagery in the stanza above, it was something I could picture/understand...

Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed this poem a lot

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

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