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Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member

since 2007-10-21

Posts 48
Lost in pain

0 posted 2007-10-21 07:19 PM

My heart cannot love because you have taken it and broke it.My world cannot continue because you have left it blank. I wish one day you'll feel the same pain and feel sorry for the pain you brought me.

Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member

since 2007-10-21

Posts 48
Lost in pain

1 posted 2007-10-22 06:53 PM

i am so sorry how short this is but i really like it cause it shows how i feel about a guy named kevin so if you read this dont critisise cxause its short

Prudy
Junior Member

since 2007-10-22

Posts 13
the prison inside me

2 posted 2007-10-22 07:45 PM

Short but sweet,

I like it its nice and it does show some feeling, I do have some suggestions:

maybe ordering it into regular stanzas,
although the point is for it to be short maybe adding in some extra lines to prolong the poem and in a sense the pain that it conveys and make the reader emphasize more with it.

One other thing I have a poem that you might relate to called prisoner in my soul check it out and maybe help me finish another one im making.

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

3 posted 2007-10-22 08:32 PM

Very nice.

Don't worry about how long your poem is, the shortest one that I know of is by Anon...

Fleas

Adam
Had 'em

Can't beat that one and it shows that length means nothing so long as you get your point across.

Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member

since 2007-10-21

Posts 48
Lost in pain

4 posted 2007-10-22 10:52 PM

thanks seeker

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2007-10-23 12:45 PM

I like the length of this, sometimes it’s better to say it in as little words as possible to carry the biggest punch. Although I wouldn’t call this the most profound piece I’ve ever come across I enjoyed the read.

~Stargal

"The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away"
@-->---

Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member

since 2007-10-21

Posts 48
Lost in pain

6 posted 2007-11-06 10:34 PM

u guys r so nice i wish eveyone was that way

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