please let me know what you guys think!

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Teen Poetry #1

please let me know what you guys think!

Delilah
Junior Member

since 1999-07-08

Posts 36
The Wonderful America

0 posted 1999-07-08 01:06 AM

Shadows lurk amongst the figures
Shadows prance along the walls.
Shadows cease the face with anger
How mysteriously they crawl.
On every night there is a shadow
Who stands hidden by them all.
Revealing himself only
When the golden sun calls.
It is a dream, I do not know
Oh how faint it all seems now.
I have to wait again till night
To fall, fall, fall.
In the daze I lay again
Enveloped in my dream.
Awaiting the arrival
Of the well-known scene.
And so he comes drifting
Floating like a cloud.
Noiseless and dreary,
Neither softly nor too loud.
And there he hovers all night long
Passing the darkness away.
Till morning comes again
And he fades into the moon.
I open my eys and notice
Not a soul is in my room
This shadow, oh my shadow
Has gotten quite a part.
He's gotten a piece
A portion, a place...inside my heart.

[This message has been edited by Delilah (edited 07-08-99).]

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

1 posted 1999-07-08 01:25 AM

Wonderful job, Delilah. I loved the darkness of this piece...great description.

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

muny
Junior Member

since 1999-07-07

Posts 10
falmouth mass usa

2 posted 1999-07-08 08:57 AM

INAPPROPRIATE

[This message has been edited by Nan (edited 07-08-99).]

roxy8365
Junior Member

since 1999-07-07

Posts 27
e.falmouth MA usa

3 posted 1999-07-08 09:02 AM

i love you

roxy8365
Junior Member

since 1999-07-07

Posts 27
e.falmouth MA usa

4 posted 1999-07-08 09:09 AM

i was just kidden

Iceman
Junior Member

since 1999-07-08

Posts 11
E-falmouth, Ma, Falmouth

5 posted 1999-07-08 09:09 AM

Hey i thought it was a very deep and nice poem. It seems like you were tring to say somthing yet not. You have a wonderful usage of words. Dont be discourage due to anyone who says different. Keep writing

lowradiation32
New Member

since 1999-07-07

Posts 6
Cape Cod Mass

6 posted 1999-07-08 10:54 AM

nice work/good use of sysmbols
your rhyme scheme is a little difficult
to grasp very nice/

splifstar
Junior Member

since 1999-07-06

Posts 10
ma.

7 posted 1999-07-08 10:56 AM

your good keep writing

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