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Wishing I Could Really Send This
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Wishing I Could Really Send This |
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Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere 
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Dear Josh, The holiday seasons coming up. I remembered what you said you wanted...New tires for your truck. I'll keep that in mind. My birthdays next week. Remember, you said you'd celebrate with me? That was suppose to be half of the fun. Too bad you're too far away now. But I'll keep you in my heart. My thoughts are with you often now. I don't know how, but I wish we could get together for new year. It would be fun, don't you think? Maybe we'll figure something out. Yesterday marked the nine months to the day since you left. I still wish you hadn't moved away. Jewels' grown alot. She's really happy and doing well since the car incident. Oh, you weren't around for that, were you? She got hit by a car when I went to Chicago. For awhile, I thought she was going to have to be put into an endless sleep...but she pulled through. I could've really used your hand to hold during that time. It hurt to almost loose my "baby". I got a new truck. Did I tell you that already? The taurus is sold. It broke down again. This last time was permanately. Too bad, huh...We had a lot of good times in it. There's a lot of stuff going wrong now.. But I don't want to bore you too much. Did you know I moved out of the trailor? That's one of the better things in life.. Don't ask where I'm at now. I'll find someplace better soon. Your brother misses you. He won't admit it, but you can tell. He really looked up to you, you know? Hmmm... I'm running out of things to tell you. That's odd, since when we're together we could talk for hours. I'll let you go now and I'm sure I'll write more later. Or maybe even call if I can figure out your number. Take care of yourself, okay? Love always, Nicole P.S. I'm sorry I haven't made it there yet. I'm still trying to get up enough courage. Before next year I'll visit and bring you flowers. Does that sound all right? My only problem now is that I don't know where they put your gravesite. With a little piece of tomorrow, You'll have to kiss yesterday goodbye. Because today won't last forever, And the past will only make you cry. |
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Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
I know, it's slightly morbid...but I miss him so much. It's almost like he's just living out of state and we haven't seen each other for a while. Sorry... I'm rambling now. My worlds falling apart this holiday season. Thankyou for letting me post this. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Angel, it's not morbid to have loved someone and be thinking of them at this time of the year as well as at other times...and as far as where the grave site is? sometimes when I go to the cemetary, I take extra flowers and walk..until I locate who I came to visit. I share my gift of thoughts with others as I stand before their headstones and read of their lives and leave them a token of my thoughts and feelings and even a petal or two so that they are not to be forgotten... ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
Wynter, I'm not even sure which town he's buried it. Its somewhere in Iowa...but I couldn't go to the funeral. It was at a time in life when I just couldn't handle the thought that he killed himself and wouldn't be around anymore. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
May I make a suggestion? It may be comforting to plant a tree somewhere in his honor. His spirit can live on in that tree for a long time - and you'll have a place to go and talk to him. And you know, he's really not that far away. He's in your heart. And that's a wonderful place to be. I think this letter is a way to heal your grief and it's an excellent idea. After my ex husband died, my daughter talked to a counselor who told her to write a letter, clearing up some issues that had been unresolved when he died. She did, and felt better for it. Please feel free to post your letters to Josh here anytime. Hang in there. |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Nicole, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I think it's perfectly fine to "talk" or write to a loved one that has died. It will help you sort through all your feelings and I believe that he might hear you too! I hope that despite all the heartache, that there will be many happy moments for you this Christmas! Be strong, and know that people care... |
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BloomingRose Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092Florida |
Hi, It's good that you wrote the letter. It is important to express your feelings, especially when you are hurting. I think the idea of planting a tree in memory of Josh is a wonderful idea. Hugs, Deb |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is just about the saddest thing...how I wish I knew how to send you a bit of comfort. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you for healing. Love to you. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hi, just want to say that i admire your courage for sharing this heart-wrenching soul-baring piece and that i am honoured to be able to read this...i only wish that i know the right words to comfort you but im not a very good counsellor so i wish you well and take care  |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
I think its a lovely thing to do and write. And a lovely way to say your still think of him. Life has got to chnage, Nothing stays the same, Soon it will be time, For me to move on. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Writing to him is very good for you. It lets your feelings out, and there's nothing wrong with it at all. Keep writing them...keep talking. God bless you through this holiday season and always. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I don't really know what to say but writing is good and the tree idea was wonderful.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Nicole, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. How sad and difficult this is for you. I wish you could send this to him, too, but perhaps he knows anyway. Bless you, and take care. Sandra |
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Suzanne Arlene Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 377Ontario, Canada |
A friend of mine lost his son this summer. It is such a sad thing I wrote a poem about it and i wrote "where he once stood is filled with such a deep sad" And it is isn't it.Life is just such a precious thing.My heart goes out to you. God bless you and yours this Christmas season. Suzanne |
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Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
Poet DeVine - I think I'll do that this spring.  I'm not sure the tree would do well right now since it's so cold out. *shrugs* The transplate is hard enough on them, I think....Debbie - Thankyou. It's good to know so many people care. BloomingRose and Serenity - Thankyou. Kaile - Knowing people care is enough. Thanks. Maria, WhtDove, Dopey Dope - Thankyou for your replies. Catalina - I hope so. Thanks. Suzanne - It is sad.. This holiday season, I've been thinking a lot about people that I've lost in the past years.. My birthdays in a few days, and I've realized I've been to more funerals than the years that I've lived. It's hard losing people.  |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
I am sorry about your loss. I lost someone really close to me almost 3 years ago. And to this day I refuse to go to the cemetary. It just makes me upset knowing that a good friend of mine is gone. I really hope that you do find his gravesite. And he knows you are thinking of him as he watches down on you. People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
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soozieque_28 Junior Member
since 2000-11-28
Posts 28Tennessee |
I know what it is to lose someone you loe...my brother died hree years ago and then just a year and half ago, I lost my three year old son ( his dad was drinking and driving) Yesterday would have been his 5th birthday. This time of year is hard for those who lost someoe so close. I wish you the best..my prayers are with you. |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
Broken Winged Angel, I know what this feels like. I hate the holiday seasons because that is when I lost my fiancee over ten years ago. She was killed by a drunk driver while walking home from the post office where she was mailing me a letter and a christmas card. I still have both and every year I feel more and more alert to her presence still in my life by the way I cope with the holidays. Here is a little comfort I hope to you. Broken winged angel she flies no more. Her love she lost long ago. Her life now seems so confused. She needs to know that she really didn't lose him. He lives on in spirit, soul and mind. He lives on in every time. The laughter he brought the smiles he brings, these are the things to be cherished. Love is something that lives on forever. P. J. Kotrch carpe diem A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Heck Angel....that's some thought provoking letter.... Go with your heart sweetheart but I'm glad you were able to write it and post it here.. You seem to be finding your place in life again, for you and your *baby*.. It's hard I know but to write as you have done must help a little....keep writing... I think all hearts are maps with different destinations and sometimes we need to plan our route, sometimes we just take a left turn and end up in never ending circles....but always, we end up at either a roundabout or a traffic signal and then we have to make a decision....maybe you're still planning your route...here's hoping you're on the road to happiness... and that road does exist again, just the route is different...HUGS [This message has been edited by RainbowGirl (edited 11-30-2000).] |
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