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A little help
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A little help |
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raff214 Junior Member
since 2006-09-05
Posts 11Az,USA |
I've trying to recover from the one I thought was "the one". She suffered through horrible victimizations as a child teen and young woman. These things surfaced when she was with me. I guess she found her safe place. My problem is that I really don't have anyone to share with because of our positions in the community. I don't want to betray her trust. But the pain transfered is very strong and real. If somone wouldn't mind reading the work I have on the feelings inside, and perhaps commenting. I would greatly appreciate not feeling so alone. Loving a Shadow: I spend most days lost in a fog. Swirling mists of sorrow created by the hateful words and feelings that pour down upon me, unleashed by the years of pain and damage hurled upon you. The weight bearing down upon me like the culmination of eons of sins committed by hundreds of men. I stand against the onslaught reaching out to you against gale forces of hatred, my hand stretched out to you in an attempt to pull you from the tempest within you. When the storm subsides you retreat. I stand dripping with pain from the assault, trying to put on a brave face for the woman returned to me from the horrors contained inside her crumbling facade. My need to protect her outweighs my desire to eat, to breathe, to survive. Her words are mercurial, dancing from love to hate, from fear to trust. They mark my soul and make me dance to her tune. I want off this ride. But I cannot bear the thought of losing the calm within these storms. I hold on to the hope that what I see behind the pain and fear is real, more real than that which is used to flay me. I kneel, not in pain now, not in supplication to the one that professes hate. I kneel to the Angel that I see through the tattered remnants of your mask. I kneel before the dreamer hidden and cowering in your heart. I kneel and pray to things that I barely glimpse. In hopes that they will not take away my dream. My dream that you find peace within. That you someday believe as I do, in you, in us. I pray that we are delivered, I pray that the healing outweighs the hurt. I pray that my heart speaks the truth, and that your lips have lied. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Jared Rafferty - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
that last line was definately a grab your heart line.... the entire write was brutally honest, could feel the frustration, the hope, and the chains on her soul... this was sad...and on this I won't advise, as it is very difficult to say...but your heart is your true self...and already knows...hard as it may be.... hugs to ya |
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sandgrain Member Elite
since 1999-09-21
Posts 3662Sycamore, IL, USA |
You've conveyed your feelings so well and I feel for you. Somehow it seems that you are the only one in this with compassion. I'm sorry for her sad past, but why is she making it your burden? Sharing it, I understand, but hurting you with it, I don't. Emotional pain is so difficult to handle. Physical pain can be remidied usually, but emotional pain seems like it takes forever to get through. Prayers for you, Rae |
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raff214 Junior Member
since 2006-09-05
Posts 11Az,USA |
Thank you both very much for your comments. It really helps to share even with the anonymity of the net. Sandgrain you're right I would much rather be experiencing physical pain. I've been beaten stabbed and burned. I'd take all three over this. Wounds heal, and I understand the cause of them. In this I'm still so confused. Thank you again |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
your very welcome, my one and only fear, is that this may drain you dangerously...your life source, your identity, your time...and perhaps your trust, your devotion to life and to yourself...and your spiritual beliefs... |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
i agree w/ LeeJ..the last line...i could just really feel what you were saying. The whole thing was just so..emotional, like i actually heard you saying it to me or something.. i don't know how to advise you on this, except to say that she is lucky to have you..you are being so trustworthy! thats awesome, i don't know many people who would be able to handle that themselves..i guess you should just think about it and decide what to do. it'll soon come to you, i promise=) love, -missy |
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raff214 Junior Member
since 2006-09-05
Posts 11Az,USA |
She came back. Asked me to let her “come home”. I did. She convinced me she had healed, told me that it was my time to heal. She asked me to take responsibility for another’s child and asked me to promise to never give up on her. It was bliss. Absolute heaven to feel and believe in her love for me. Then she strayed. She somehow decided that I was a monster. She betrayed my trust by not “protecting “ me as she promised she would. I’m soul broken. So lost. Only really believed in one person. I don’t know how to breathe or care about anything now that it’s apparent all she had for me were lies. And now all I feel from her is fear and hate. I would have given her anything and everything. But the ones that hurt her now have destroyed our beautiful fhance at everything. She said I was her Triad and she cut me off with no warning. She’s scared and lost and her thrashing has once again broken my heart |
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priyanka Member
since 2009-06-15
Posts 216india |
Let that broken heart heal. We know not the whole story to have a say in it. What I'd say though is give your heart time to heal.. before you think of her.. your heart needs love before it can send it to someone else. May be when the storms calm down, you can say your part. Till then, stay strong  |
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